I wanted to be everything — Don’t try this at home, guys.

This is what happens when you don’t find yourself early.

Few days ago, I had a deep discussion with an acquaintance and she said, “who is Marian?. You’re a very random person. You’re interested in social media. You write. You’re a customer support expert and yet you’re interested in interior design. How?. What exactly is the direction?.”

I found myself laughing because I’ve always wondered that myself. It was hard to figure out what I really wanted to do because my life has always been mapped out for me. I was supposed to follow that direction but I hated how rigid it made me feel all too early.

You see, I’m not sure every ambitious person started out as I did but I definitely wanted to be an interior designer for a while.💃🏽

In fact, I wanted to be a gamer too. I wanted to be a movie critic. I loved that I could give movie reviews and my readers would either watch or not. I wanted to be an air hostess 😭😂. I think this was the worst, because what was I even thinking?. Now the sweet resolution I decided to settle for was being be a forensic scientist too.

Every time I remember, I find it quite hilarious that I wanted to be a forensic scientist because I admired those characters in my thriller novels and the amazing actors/actresses in movies.

In fact, I searched for the course endlessly in Nigeria when I was applying for varsity admission.

No one forced it out of me when I saw the statistics of forensic scientists in my country.🤷🏽‍♀️

Growing up, I watched movies more than anything else. I grew up with the best movie buddies anyone could ever imagine, I’m talking parents and kids. My childhood friends had direct supply of new releases from their dad. He was a very big fan of movies. We would all sit to watch series for hours till we got tired.

The fun part was, he’s a disciplinarian too. He was the right blend of “book” & “play”. So, when it’s time to focus on school, everyone came home with A’s (don’t doubt me, my results can show for it)😂. His kids were his pride and I looked up to them, so I was lucky there. The bookworm spirit rubbed off on me right.

I wanted all the cool, distinctive & fascinating jobs. I always imagined my future kids looking at me someday and saying, “Mommy, you’re a superhero. How did you do everything?”.

I like the idea of attaining the almost impossible. The most difficult. Look at Hilda Baci, the Nigerian winner of the Guinness World Record for longest cooking time (100 hours). That’s a woman that’d forever be addressed as the one that “did the impossible”. She changed that from completely impossible to attainable. That kind of energy? Yes, that’s my vibe.

I still have this in me but now, it’s different. I can properly think for myself. I know how to weigh my strengths and weaknesses to determine what I’d excel in, instead of imagining how I just might fit in.

Here I am now, slowly figuring out what I really enjoy and how to differentiate between what I just happen to know from what I’m truly passionate about & should pursue. A rare discovery phase I’m finally grateful for.

I am at the stage where I understand that it will not balance or make sense immediately but the picture is forming and it’s no longer an abstract. 👏

And I love it!